About Reviews

I like reviews. Everyone likes them, I think. They are good and extremely useful. I never buy anything without very good research. That is one of the reasons why I like this particular time in history. Three decades back I wouldn’t be able to do it. Whatever comes to my mind is easy to find on the net. You read the review and, potentially, you are saved from buying crap. Well, it’s a theory. The Internet is a vast dumping place. Everyone can write and everyone reads. Plus, believe me, everyone has an opinion on absolutely everything. Isn’t it amazing? 

Whisky is no exemption. There’s so many sites about it. Tonnes of reviews. They are good and useful, I have to say but only if you like to read that kind of stuff. I like it. It’s very funny indeed, but if you peel off all the jargon and pompousness it gives you an idea what to expect in that one particular bottle you want to buy. I read and I buy, even if the review is not very positive. If I see something new, I want to try it myself and what the reviewer thinks comes as a second. 

Let’s talk about all those descriptions. They play a big part in the world of whisky. You see them on the bottles and on the boxes. They sound really nice and are well thought through. There is also a different variety of them, and they are funny in so many ways. Language used is so weird, but when you realize they are all serious, it gets even more funny. 

“Visceral. Sweet peat, tar, hessian, germoline and malty grist.”

“A confluence of vanillin sweetness and light toffee fudge with dank, earthy, tarry soil, old rope and smouldering embers.”

“Weak scents of toffee, mocha and chocolate with a very quick appearance of sulfur.”

“Salted cashews, salted hazelnuts, salted walnuts. Lemon furniture polish, salted caramel, and honeysuckle.”

Sorry. Too much for me. 

Personally, I can’t smell even half of what they describe. I don’t have the nose of a Master Blender but this is another story. Do I believe in what they say?

Reviews are useful if you are trying to buy a hair dryer or headphones. Buying whisky is a more delicate operation and as far as one particular review can give you a hint, you should always be cautious and little sceptical. It’s exactly the same when people are trying to review food. 

For me review is more about product features. You can genuinely describe a hair spray, electric toothbrush or frying pan. You can tell others how it works, how durable it is and what it’s made of. Knife is sharp or not, fabric is thin and discoloured and toys can be made from cheap plastic, which doesn't last long. Whisky could be in a very nasty looking bottle with a loose cork, with label peeling off and the box made of thin, rough cardboard. I agree with all of these. 

How do you describe the taste? 

How to tell others something tastes like cheap crap or smells like divine breeze? What is divine breeze after all? Taste and smell are very individual and individuals differ. When I mention things like this I always think about Chef Gordon Ramsay (one of my favourites, for many reasons and the guy I really like; send my love through the air right now). Sure, when he says something is shit, sometimes it is a shit, really. He can say words like underseasoned, over seasoned, bland, too salty and many others. Chef Ramsay can also moan about texture which, by the way, meant to be this or that only because some people set the standards in some particular way. Don’t you forget please - Chef Ramsay is different from you and me. He may not like something you like but does it make that thing less tasty for you? I'm not a big fan of kiwi and I don’t like dark (made with blood) brawn. Many people don’t like blood pudding and others find fried pig’s brain a delicacy. I cook a lot, really, and I like to experiment with new recipes, it doesn't matter from TV, books, or the internet. Thank you, Jamie Oliver and Rick Stain, thank you, Gordon Ramsay and Marco Pierre White, thank you for all the inspiration and all the good recipes. I tried many. Some of them were brilliant, some average and some other dishes were simply not edible. For me, of course, but does it make them bad? I am pretty sure they are magical for many. Point is, the whisky review describing taste or smell simply needs to be inaccurate, just by the definition. 

When I started to drink my whisky in this very nice and savoury way I was a little devastated with all reviews and even descriptions on the bottles or boxes. I couldn’t taste and smell all of those magnificent combinations of flavours. After a while I stopped worrying. It didn’t make sense to be upset about something like this. I like what I like, and I am what I am. I can’t change it. It is possible to educate oneself on something, but it won’t be possible to change the way the person can smell or taste things. Sensations like these are purely individual and every one of us have a right to smell what they smell and taste what they taste and never be ashamed because of it. 

Now seriously. My favourite sites are Master of Malt and Malt. There are many others. 

Read them. Expand your knowledge. Absorb it. Have fun. These are the three main parts of the whole whisky thing. 

Fun, Pleasure and Satisfaction.