Ballantine's Finest

Ballantine’s Finest Blended Scotch whisky simply had to be the next one, right after Red Label. There was no other way and few reasons for it.

The brand is one of the best-selling Scotch whiskies in the world, with its iconic bottle being second to none. Highly recognizable stuff. If I go back in time I have to tell you that in the 80s in Poland the whole world of whisky was narrowed to two: Red Label and Ballantine’s. Nothing else existed and even if there was more, I would know about that. I was a teenager then.

I remember a bottle of Ballantine’s from the film Alternatywy 4. This cult TV series from 1983 was directed by Stanisław Bareja, which I mentioned before. Like all his films, this one also was a satire of life under the communist rule in Poland. Long story short, it’s about the bunch of inhabitants moving into a newly built block of flats in Ursynów district in Warsaw. The main character of the series is Stanisław Anioł, a sneaky and cunning janitor who manipulates the others to do his chores instead of him and takes the glories. In one episode he visits flat 13, which belongs to the member of the governing party (he’s been asked to look after it when the owner is away) and there it is. A bottle of Ballantine’s on the worktop

Back in those days, one could obtain the bottle of whisky as a bribe (most common if you were someone important, like a doctor, policeman or… clerk in the town council), as the token of gratitude (for doing or organizing something, but most commonly it would be vodka or cognac anyway, rarely whisky) or as a present from someone coming back from abroad. There was no whisky available in shops as there was not much available in shops in general. There was an exemption though. Institution was unique to the PRL (Polish People's Republic). It was called Pewex (short from Internal Export Company). A chain of shops, full of foreign goods, available to buy for everyone, but only for US dollars and other hard currencies. Ballantine’s was available there. In 1990, it was $10 for a bottle of 70cl. Probably it was a lot. I only bought chewing gum there, twice probably, and nothing else. US dollars were like gold dust back then. People used to go into these shops to simply inhale the smell of the West and feed their eyes. We, youngsters, used to collect empty beer cans and empty, “firm”, cigarette boxes from world-famous brands.

I never tried Ballantine’s before. Never had one. Simply, there was no occasion. I got my series of Johnnie Walker and I decided to buy The Finest Blend from Amazon. It was cheap, a mere £14 per regular bottle. I don’t know why I did this, it was something deeply subconscious. On the day I decided to open Red Label I opened Ballantine’s as well. That’s exactly what I did. I didn’t try Red Label with Black Label to compare. I tried these two most iconic and, for me, the only two I could remember from my childhood memories.

Honestly, both mentioned before could be brother and sister. Or twin brothers. Or whatever. They are very alike. If you dare to smell them, fresh, grain alcohol will fill your nose to the brim. There’s nothing special and nothing intriguing in Ballantine’s, but the distant notes of kerosene and rubber. When you drink, well, it won’t kill you for sure, but it wouldn’t convince me that whisky is something I should stick to. I totally disagree that it's “soft, sweet and complex”. It’s oaky, with a not very pleasant burning sensation on your tongue and down there, in your stomach. Comes back as alcohol, without any notes. They say Ballantine’s flavour “is dependent on fingerprint malts (...) blended with 50 single malts and 4 grains”. I don’t know if it's true or not. If it is, they’ve wasted a lot of time and whisky to carve something weird like that. Ballantine’s is not pleasurable at all. Neither is Johnnie Walker Red Label. You can’t enjoy any of them neat. Both of them are invented to mix with something else. Possibly coke, which, for me, is the weirdest way you can enjoy any alcohol indeed. Well, de gustibus non est disputandum, so I won’t. I just don’t recommend it. It took me 47 years to discover what was in that nice, but vintage (as for 2021) looking bottle. Everyone should try it once, just to know and that’s it. Full stop.

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